The Powerful Difference Between Speaking to Understand and Seeking to Understand

Have you ever thought this thought: “If I can just say the right thing at the right time, this child (or the student you love) would understand they have choices, and they’ll make a better choice?”

I’ve had this thought. It comes from a sincere place, good-hearted place. But it also comes from a place of urgency, panic, and fear.  The tenderness of our desire to see our children (tweens and teens included) succeed is one that can fuel us into precise action. But if we seek to relieve ourselves of our fears, using children as an outlet for our words, we transmit seeds of emotional pain and unfulfilled longing. We call it sharing life lessons. It’s called lecturing. It could also be a verbal vehicle of displaced emotional pain.

Before you try to talk your child, student, or mentee into a place of understanding (i.e., lecture), ask yourself this simple question: What am I trying to accomplish for myself? You may be surprised to hear the answers to your own question. This process of reflection supports self-understanding, which helps you to offer understanding to your child.

Then ask yourself what your child/student/mentee will be able to accomplish after you attempt to talk to them into understanding? The goal here is to imagine the potential emotional outcome so you can receive spiritual insight on how to proceed before you proceed.

Some adults are trying to get kids to understand while failing to realize the more we talk, the less they hear us.

Some adults are trying to get kids to understand while failing to realize the more we talk, the less they hear us. This may further strengthen the child’s idea that they are not heard or understood.

Once you think about what you want to accomplish, I want you to ask yourself, “What can my child, student, mentee accomplish because I listened to them?” This is a life-changing question. You gain more insight when you listen and ask simple, powerful questions, rather than talk about your life and different things were. They also integrate different regions of their brain through recalling their life events, sharing them you, and gaining clarity.

As you focus on the positive emotional outcomes of your child being heard by you, imagine your student as an adult thanking you because you took time to be there for them emotionally. This is a beautiful sight to see. Simply let yourself bask in the positivity of this peaceful anticipation before having the next conversation. This level of positive mental absorption changes your energy before approaching your child. It also puts you in a higher place spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

Stay tuned to read what happens when you enter into this higher place of consciousness, and you seek loving understanding of your child.