The ages at which children and youth begin to realize their parents are not really superheroes vary from child to child. But there is something notable about parents and guardians who demonstrate the power of addressing conflict. Instead of avoiding it or denying it, they collaborate with trusted family and friends, devising short-term and long-term solutions along the way. They even seek professional support. Who needs fictitious superheroes when the adults who care for you work through their problems, providing ongoing example of how it’s done?
Today, I want to remind you of how important you are to your children. How you handle conflict – the internal and external ones – can be a mirror in which they see themselves for years to come. While they may not know the details of what you’re going through, how you go through becomes their compass for future dilemmas. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Your children want you to win. Don’t give in to the doubts, worries, frustrations, and impatience you experience. Acknowledge them. Name the source of those emotions. Decide to make a decision about what is in your control. Keep rising up. Your healing presence has a beneficial neurophysiological effect. Your warm emotional tone has an uplifting psychological impact. You matter. So, stay the course.
While there are many conflicts young people will hear of or witness that are out of their control – and outside of their parents’ knowledge – there are conflicts that give young people confidence in their own ability to resolve conflict. These are the conflicts they see their parents work through. Even the internal conflicts you face and overcome with daily practice reward your child mentally and emotionally because they get to have you – and they love you so much.
So, don’t give in! Your children want you to win. The people who love you, ask about you, pray for you, and check in on you want you to win.
Decades of research show that the way parents organize and process their emotions help children processing and organizing their own emotions. The practice of processing and organizing not only strengthens cognitive abilities for better mental performance and healthier relationships, but also it nurtures the vitality of the immune and cardiovascular systems. Research also shows that repeated social challenges in a child’s environment can disrupt basic homeostatic processes that are central to the maintenance of health (McEwen & Stellar, 1993). One might conclude that repeatedly overcoming social challenges in a child’s environment can strengthen the homeostatic processes that are central to a life of vitality.
Stay encouraged. I want you to win! You are here with a purpose. Don’t let any source of news or any source of stress carry you from the truth of why you are here. My next few post will help you unlock the productivity of your struggles so you can boost your mental performance and experience more joy.
Until we meet again,
Ashley
Ashley M. Blanco serves as a Kids Life Coach, Educator, and Author in the San Francisco Bay Area. She helps children and youth improve their confidence and mental performance through gamified personal development. Listen to her Perspective on KQED Public Radio: https://www.kqed.org/perspectives. Learn more about her impact at https://www.risewhereyouare.com/
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Gervais, C., & Jose, P. E. (2020). How does family connectedness contribute to youths’ health? The mediating role of coping strategies. Family Process, 59(4), 1627-1647
McEwen, B.S, & Stellar, E. (1993)Stress and the individual. Mechanisms leading to disease. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8379800/
Repetti, R.L, Taylor, S. E., and Seeman, T. E. (2002) Risky Families: Family Social Environments and the Mental
and Physical Health of Offspring. American Psychological Association, Inc. 2002, Vol. 128, No. 2, 330 –366 0033-2909/02/$5.00 DOI: 10.1037//0033-2909.128.2.330
Ashley M. Blanco 